


He Who Dares To Stand Where I Stood

by zaynfreakingmalik



Series: He Who Dares To Stand Where I Stood [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, louis is just a huge mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 06:33:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynfreakingmalik/pseuds/zaynfreakingmalik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'The gunshot is loud, fascinatingly loud because Harry wasn’t even really expecting it, he didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was certain it was not this. He sees the moment Louis’ legs buckle and the boy is falling forward. Harry almost laughs because it’s like when they were younger and Louis would pretend to faint just so he could fall on top of Harry. It’s not as funny though when it’s suddenly like somebody pressed fast forward on Harry’s brain because everything is a blur and suddenly there’s so much noise- too much noise and Harry forgets how to breathe.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning of the beginning and the end of the end

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off The Pact By Jodi Piccoult, so if you want spoilers, then read that book- because that's exactly how this fic will go

The gunshot is loud, fascinatingly loud because Harry wasn’t even really expecting it, he didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was certain it was not this. He sees the moment Louis’ legs buckle and the boy is falling forward. Harry almost laughs because it’s like when they were younger and Louis would pretend to faint just so he could fall on top of Harry. It’s not as funny though when it’s suddenly like somebody pressed fast forward on Harry’s brain because everything is a blur and suddenly there’s so much noise- too much noise and Harry forgets how to breathe.

 

But Harry’s covered in Lou’s blood now and there are police sirens and the sky is just swirling, blue with bright white. Clouds with stars and Harry thinks he’s imagining the hands on his shoulders. He thinks he imagines how they run to Louis, checking his body for ‘vitals’, as one doctor puts it.

Harry doesn’t talk, doesn’t say anything or notice or think or breathe until he hears a clink of metal- as an officer cuffs Harry roughly, pushing him up against the car. Harry’s vaguely aware of him dropping something on the pavement with a clatter but he doesn’t really register it as the officer begins to talk rough and quickly and the lights are still flashing blue and red in the darkness.

 

“-You’re under arrest for the suspicion of murder-” The officer is calling out, as if speaking to an audience, as if this is some wild, obscene prank and Ashton Kutcher will jump out and say Harry has been punk’d.

Harry is frowning, confused and dazed and when he glances down at the pavement, where he just dropped something- he feels bile rise to his throat.  
There, on the pavement, still smoking slightly and with bright red blood stains colouring the cool metal is a hand gun, looking violently out of place, and without a doubt covered in Harry Styles’ fingerprints.  
***

 

Fifteen Years Earlier:

Harry Styles was three when moving vans came down his street, stopping at the door next to his. Panicked at the removal men, Harry ran to his mother, pulling on her hand, alarmed.

 

“Mummy mummy mummy there are men over coming to kill!” Harry exclaims. Anne barely bats an eye just smiles slightly and has to drag a frightened Harry outside with her to where the scary men loom.

 

Another car has stopped next to the house now and Harry peeks out from his mother’s leg, still feeling scared and nearing tears now because why is his mummy trying to get him killed? When the car doors open though, a small yet lanky kid tumbles out with a soccer ball and starts yelling as he runs over the front lawn. Two taller and older looking people also open their own doors, looking tired and sighing.

 

“Boo bear don’t break anything!” the older woman calls out. Harry cocks his head to the side because Boo Bear is a strange name to have. When he looks up his mumma is already in conversation with Boo Bears mummy. She’s stroking back Harry’s thin curls absent mindedly and doesn’t notice when Harry slinks away from her. The older man that exited the car before is helping move some boxes into the house, calling out a few times. Harry blinks slowly before looking over at where Boo Bear is kicking the ball at a fast pace, yelling to himself,

 

“Tomlinson drives it in- and he scores!” He makes noises with his mouth and puts both his arms above his head, running around crazily now. Harry snickers slightly. Boo bear immediately stops and looks around, his bright blue eyes finding Harry’s immediately. He flushes a pink and crosses his arms over his chest,

 

“Who are you?” He asks loudly with his chin up. This time Harry flushes.

 

“My name’s Harry but my mumma calls me Haz” Harry announces proudly. The boy with hair that reminds Harry of a caramel apple he ate once, rolls his eyes.

 

“Thats a stupid name” He says matter of factly. Harry blinks, feeling tears burn in the back of his eyes.

 

“My mummy likes it” He replies back quietly. The boy doesn’t say anything and Harry still feels upset and the need to impress him now,

 

“Your name’s Boo Bear” Harry shoots back. Boo Bear goes aa bright red, right to his ears and kicks at the grass angrily.

 

“No it’s not, idiot. It’s Lou-ee”  
Harry raises an eyebrow,

 

“Lou-ee isn’t a name” He says doubtfully. This makes Lou-ee angrier.  
“Neither is Harry”

 

“Loads of people have the name Harry”

 

“Well they’re all stupid as well then”

 

Harry opens his mouth to retort but his mumma is scooping him up now, saying her goodbye’s to Lou-ee’s mum.

 

“Nice meeting you, Jay! Oh is this Louis then? He’s right adorable!” She gushes, this makes Harry hate the boy more because his mum is only meant to think and say that about *him*. He crosses his arms over his chest, looking down at the ground stubbornly, refusing to say goodbye or even look at the dumb Boo Bear as him and his mother trot back to their house.

***

 

Present:

Anne Cox chose to keep her maiden name long before Harry was born. Harry, though, was a different story. He was a Styles. He looked it, even if he didn’t act it. He had the dimples, and the beautiful green eyes. And the ability to charm the pants off anybody. Harry would sometimes use his last name to be cruel when him and Anne would get into more intense fights, which never happened much- and Harry would always apologise profusely after for bringing it up. That’s what made Anne know she had raised her son right, and that she would love him no matter what because he had such a heart of gold.  
Anne knew by now not to wait up for her son- he was 18, about to head to College, and had been going steady with Anne’s best friend- Jay Tomlinson’s son- Louis Tomlinson for a while now. Anne trusted him. However Anne was a late sleeper, to be awake past midnight was a usual occurence for her.

 

Two policemen knocking on her front door just quarter past, however, was not a usual occurence for her.

 

“Mrs Styles?” The shorter officer asked- he had a round earnest face and was holding his hat at his chest, turning it anxiously in his stubby hands. Anne felt her blood run cold and she gripped the doorway tighter.

 

“Cox” She said quietly. “I’m- i took my maiden name. Cox. It’s Ms now.” Anne swallowed, looking to and from the earnest short policeman to the stone faced, taller one standing behind him. The shorter policeman looks as nervous as Anne feels.

 

“Sorry ma’am. We just wanted to report an incident that occured at around 11 30 PM.. Involving- involving your son, Harry Styles.” The policeman wasn’t meeting Anne’s eyes now and she felt herself palen, her eyes burning with unshed tears.

 

“I- is- is he okay? Did- where is he?” Anne croaked. The stony faced policeman took over.

 

“Ma’am your son is fine, however he is being held for questioning over at our station down on Westbell End.” Anne felt her brow furrow. Questioning? What possibly for? She hears a distant door bell and when she looks over to her right she can just make out the Tomlinson’s porch light flash on. There’s an identical police car parked outside their home as well and Anne feels like she might throw up. She hugs her wrap to her skin tighter, looking back at the officers.

 

“Questioning? I- i don’t understand” Anne says slowly, although her heart is beginning to resume it’s normal pace now because Harry is alright. He is healthy and alive and her only son will live to see another day. He’s a teenage boy who got into a bit of a spot with the law- it’s no big deal. She hears Jay open her front door, looking just as dishevelled and confused as Anne did. Anne can see the two police officers begin to talk to her now too from the corner of her eyes, both their hats in their hands. She tunes in halfway to what she thinks is going to be some rubbish about drinking and driving but-

 

“Ma’am was your son close to Louis Tomlinson?” The stone face policeman asks, his badge reads the new Lewitt. Anne blinks, she can see Jay shaking her head now rapidly at what the police are telling her and Anne is wondering if it’s really that bad- if her son and his boyfriend have gotten in that much trouble.

 

“Yes, they’re- they’re romantically involved, why?” Anne asks distractedly. Lewitt takes a step closer to Anne, his grey eyes locked on her own soft brown ones.

 

“Ma’am do you know what your son was doing today, at about half past 11? Do you know he met up with Louis Tomlinson at Montgomery Park?” He’s picking up speed now and Anne notices Jay is holding a shaking hand to her mouth as the policemen continue to talk. Anne has half a mind to push her way to Jay and try to comfort her because really- it’s Lou and Haz, whats’s the worst that could happen?

 

“Are you aware that at forty past eleven tonight, your son was found with a gun in his hand?”

 

Anne feels her neck snap as she turns to look back at Lewitt in absolute shock

 

“What? What did you just say?” She asks faintly, feeling like she might be sick. She can hear Jay sobbing now, loud and hysterical enough to wake the whole street and what did Louis and Harry do?

 

“Ma’am. Mr Styles was found with a handgun in his hand, at the scene of the crime.”

 

“What- what crime? What are you talking about? I don’t understand”

 

“Your son is currently being held by the authorities under the suspicion of first degree murder of one Louis James Tomlinson”

 

Anne feels like she can’t breathe. She can’t speak, or form thoughts and she can’t even ask anything else because- murder? Louis? Harry wouldn’t… He couldn’t have.  
Anne looks back at Jay who has collapsed on the porch now, on her knee’s, her entire body shaking with her sobs and Anne feels sick to her stomach, because yes, her son might be under arrest and accused of murdering his boyfriend- but at least she still had a healthy son who would live to see another day.

Unfortunately that was quite possibly something Jay Tomlinson would never have again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t understand” 
> 
> “Of course you don’t, you’re a baby” Louis says this patronizingly and Harry feels his cheeks heat up,
> 
> “I’m not!” he shouts hotly and Louis is smirking now.
> 
> “Really? Then how do you make yourself feel happy, Curly?” Louis asks. Harry bites down on his plump, pink bottom lip, feeling scared on how to answer.
> 
> “My mumma usually gives me hugs or buys me ice cream…” Harry trailed off, looking at his feet. Louis seems to take pity on the boy and sighs.

**_Fifteen Years Previously:_ **

Harry was reluctant about seeing the silly soccer playing, caramel coloured hair boy next door again. But unfortunately his mumma had become good friends with Jay- Boo Bears mummy.

Harry was dragged along to evening tea over at theirs, Anne even dressing him suitably and brushing through his small yet springy curls. Harry enterws the quaint house, which smelled slightly and he could hear a baby screaming it’s head off upstairs and then Jay was rushing towards them, pearly whites showing as she hugged Harry’s mummy and pinched Harry’s cheek and usually Harry hates that but Jay looks so nice and mummy like, and she offers him a cookie, so he decides that she could possibly be alright.

“Lou-ee’s in his room if you wanted to play with him?” Jay questions Harry as they sit down. Harry jumps up at the suggestion because yes Lou-ee is mean and makes Harry sad but he doesn’t want to sit around and listen to boring grown up talk. After listening intently to Jay’s instructions as to where Lou’s room is (down the hall and second door to the not right), Harry is dashing over, suddenly feeling nervous as he approaches the closed door that has soccer ball drawings all over it and the name Louis hanging lopsided.

Harry frowns. What a strange way to spell a name. Harry isn’t sure he knows how to pronounce it anymore, he’s pretty sure it’s meant to be like ‘lewis’ but he doesn’t bother thinking too much as he slowly pushes the door open. He can hear the mattress of the bed springing and small little sighs and grunts from the bed. Harry feels his eyebrows knit together in confusion as he closes the door behind him a bit more loudly then intended. Louis’ head pops up from under his bunk bed covers and he looks murderous,

“You again” Louis groans, rolling over on his back, reaching to grab some tissues from his spiderman nightstand

“What were you doing?” Harry asked slowly, confused. Louis rolled his eyes at the child, despite being only a few years older.

“Making myself happy” he replies shortly, wiping his hands with the tissues. Harry wrinkles his nose.

“I don’t understand” 

“Of course you don’t, you’re a baby” Louis says this patronizingly and Harry feels his cheeks heat up,

“I’m not!” he shouts hotly and Louis is smirking now.

“Really? Then how do you make yourself feel happy, Curly?” Louis asks. Harry bites down on his plump, pink bottom lip, feeling scared on how to answer.

“My mumma usually gives me hugs or buys me ice cream…” Harry trailed off, looking at his feet. Louis seems to take pity on the boy and sighs.

“That’s what your  _mum_  does to make you happy. I mean what do  _you_  do to make you happy?” Louis repeats, sitting up now, having cleaned himself up.   
Harry is unsure once more and doesn’t know how to answer so he just blinks, feeling childish and silly. Louis pats the spot of bed next to him and Harry ambles over as if scared Louis will change his mind.

“I- i don’t know” Harry mumbles shyly. Louis offers Harry a small smile.

“Want me to teach you?” He asks, looking smug. Harry nods immediately because he doesn’t want Louis or anybody to think he’s a baby when he’s not- he can tie his own shoe laces and everything!

“Okay.” Harry says. Louis’ pushing back the covers of his bedding now and Harry feels his eyes draw down to where Louis’ trousers and briefs are bunched near his knee’s. He looks soft and squishy and Harry’s about to reach out to touch when he checks himself.  
Louis reaches for Harry’s hand, placing it over his fleshy area and Harry feels kind of wrong, almost guilty because he doesn’t think his mumma would want him doing this.

“Is this- will we get in trouble?” Harry whispers. Louis shakes his head, his eyes closed, a blissful smile as he moves Harry’s hand up and down the thickness slowly.

“Your hands are nice” Louis says so quietly, so softly, that Harry is positive he imagined it. Harry uncurls his fingers from around Louis, swallowing hard. He can feel a heat in his own stomach now, he feels too hot for his skin and he’s hard and pointing out through his trousers and he’s a tomato red, but when Louis notices he just smiles.

“Just follow what i do to myself yeah? It’ll make you happy. Promise” Louis beams, his own hand curling around himself now, he throws his head back, beginning to pant and Harry feels himself twitch before beginning to touch himself, as if scared of what might happen. However it feels amazing, the tightness and hotness spreads and Harry feels like he’s afloat. He stuffs his hand right down his boxers and starts doing the same fisting motions as Louis, both of them panting in the small room and then Harry feels his toes curl in and white stuff leaks out of him fast and hot. Harry jumps up, his hand shaking from the white stuff because what the hell is that?! Louis is still pulling but after a few more beats, white is trailing out of him as well and Louis looks the happiest Harry has ever seen him. He opens his eyes lazily,

“Happy?” He asked giddily and Harry nods slowly because he is, it felt amazing and Harry wants to do it over and over again and possibly never stop but it feels like it’s meant to be their secret, their special moment shared, just the two of them. Louis reaches over for the tissues once more and leans over to wipe up Harry’s white stuff first.

“That happens when you get really happy” Louis says, tossing the tissues away and working on himself again. Harry is pulling up his boxers once more and nodding thoughtfully because it kind of makes sense.  
Once Louis is clean as well he holds out his arms for Harry,

“You’re like a giant teddy bear” Louis giggles, but not meanly. “Will you hug me, teddy? Make me even more happy?” and Harry practically races into Louis’ arms and it feels right because Louis is warm and smells nice, a bit like fruit salad which Harry likes a lot and usually has two whole servings of. 

“You’re my new best friend” Louis announces happily and Harry feels his heart soar and he turns to face Louis, his eyes alight.

“Really?!” He asks excitedly and Louis is grinning.

“We’ll have loads of fun! So long as you do what i say” Louis adds with a look, “It’ll be just you and me Curly.”

 

**_Present:_ **

“Tell me about Louis Tomlinson” The police officer sitting opposite Harry speaks after a long beat of silence.

Harry hasn’t stopped shaking since they put him in the back of the car. His mind is reeling and if he thinks about Louis- gone, he has trouble breathing.

They’re sitting in a small room together. Three wooden chairs and a metal table. A recording stereo system propped up on a small bed side table.

  
“Harry. Tell us about Louis Tomlinson” The officer repeats, more slowly this time. Harry feels tears burning his eyes but he refuses to cry because this can’t be real, this can’t be happening. Harry doesn’t even understand how to answer the question.

What do they want to know about Louis? What the hell would Harry tell them? That Louis had once cut his own hair himself, but then had cried because it was too short, and it wasn’t until Harry cut off his hair as well that he calmed down? That Louis was ‘Tommo’ on the soccer field? Or that Louis had cried after they had first made love because it had hurt but it was worth it because it was with Harry? That Louis hated marshmallows except when they were in hot cocoa’s? That Louis could type and text without even looking? That he used to cut up his food and make a smiley face with it before he would eat it? Or that Louis got sad, so sad to the point where not even Harry could cheer him up, whenever he had to talk or think about the future? Harry didn’t know how to even begin describing Louis. Louis was his heart and life and breath and everything and now he was gone. _Gonegonegonegone._  Louis was his high points, and his low ones. He was Harry’s first crush, first partner, first love. He was everything Harry had never even known he had wanted and it was wrong for him to leave. It was wrong for him to leave Harry because Harry had forgotten how to live without him.

Louis was perfect for Harry. He was everything Harry wasn’t, and everything that he was. He had the ability to make anybody smile. But also the horrible ability to make anybody cry. His eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled too widely. Whenever he would laugh he would look down at the ground as if thinking laughing was a sin. Louis and Harry had gone through most of life together. They had experienced everything, started and finished everything, they had been so in love that they couldn’t see anything beyond themselves.

Louis had been Harry’s and Harry had been Louis’ and they had promised each other forever. Forever felt incredibly short and unfair when Harry looked back on it, on their time together, on their laughing or crying, in their fighting or love making. Something seared in Harry’s stomach because- he was really gone. There would be no evidence that Louis had ever even existed except the memories Harry clung onto so dearly. Louis would be just another dead person, among a million of million other dead people. Nobody would know of the love the two had shared. Nobody would know that it physically hurt Harry to breathe and talk and simply just  _live_  without Louis here. Louis had been the thing Harry had looked forward to every single day, he had been the reason Harry bothered waking and getting up in the morning. The reason Harry slept.   
But now- now Louis Tomlinson was gone. And Harry was alone.

It was then that Harry put his head down on the metal table and began to cry.


End file.
